Day 1: Birth


In a world with 6 Billion over voices, each with their own tune and variety compared with just little me, a speck in a vast ocean.  Where should I begin?

My intent for this blog is to be open and true about myself and the world around me as I see it.  I will be sarcastic, naive, compassionate, angry, forgiving and plain old stupid.  That is just how I am.

Anyways, life has been a turmoil for me.  It has not been a walk in a park nor has it been a long happy one.  To have endured disappointment, suffering and loneliness, I have walked a dark path.

Now, do not get me wrong here.  I do not have any inclination to give up on life itself.  Nonetheless, we do read in the papers, about the sad cases of people taking their own lives as they are unable to cope with the darkness.

Why do they forsake what they have?  Ruined relationships, poor results, peer pressure?  There are times I wished I could have known these people so I could help them, give them the hand or rope they need to stand back on their two feet.  Maybe I will fail or perhaps I will find success in giving them hope again, yet I will do my best if they are willing to come to me and share their tale.

Back to my story, I shall start with the most recent events and as time progresses, maybe delve further back into my past.  Recently, I went to an interview for a job I had wanted.  This was not the first time I had tried. In fact it was like the 5th.  Now this job is very technical, hence it requires considerable knowledge of the job and general knowledge of the world around us.

You may be asking, why the 5th attempt?  The job has a few layers to filter out potential candidates.  First is an exam which is quite difficult, after that is an interview, then a hands-on equipment knowledge check and finally a psychological profile.  Imagine the joy, when I finally passed the papers, got through the interviewers and on to the final personality profile.  Now, here is where I made mistakes.  I became too eager, too enthusiastic and pleased with the fact I had finally reached the last stage, I made a bad impression.

Imagine how my world tumbled down when I got the bad news.  The disappointment of relatives and feeling of regret on how I could have made things better if only I was more humble at my success.  Everyday, I feel the burden of guilt, regret, and self disappointment on my shoulders.  Believe me, it is not easy to sleep at night and dream of the exams and interview again while seeing a FAIL stamped on the report sheet.

Looks like I have rattled quite a bit.  On a happier note, I have either a strong willpower or I am just plain stubborn to keep on going.  Many would have moved on and given up hope on the job, but I still see hope.

At anytime my tales and experiences drag too long, please do take a break and continue later if you wish.

One of the most recent event affecting me is my relationship or lack of it.  To be suddenly asked by a cute girl to be her boyfriend, be told she loves me and a few days later says we should be friends.  I had expected it to not last since it was out of the blue and we hardly know each other, yet I still hoped.

I am well aware I can be naive and too trusting, but to me, how can anyone progress without trust?  We take the taxi/cab and we trust the driver to bring us safely to our destination.  We trust the cooks making our food to be hygienic and safe to eat.  We trust our family to not betray us, gamble, deal with drugs or endanger our well being.

I forgive her despite the brief joy I had to be loved, she too may have had her own problems and needed comfort.  Hence, anyone who needs a caring spirit, do come to me.  I will trust you until that bond is broken or reforged stronger.  That is the person I am, this is how I deal with the troublesome and endless game of 'LIFE'.

As I said, I am plain old stupid and these are the times I love it,
D